#import "../shared.typ": blog_post, callout

#blog_post(
    "09-preferred-pronouns",
    [preferred pronouns],
    datetime(year: 2024, month: 12, day: 02),
)[
    i recently saw the term "preferred pronouns" being used, which reminded i wanted to rant about it.

    so, at first this may seem like a nice term/phrase.
    indeed, it's better to ask someone which pronouns they prefer to be used for them, than to assume them based on *\*vibes\**.

    yet i kinda despise this?

    not the asking pronouns part of course! just the "preferred" bit.

    if "preferred" is there, it must be differentiating between something.
    there must be a "normal" pronouns kind and a "preferred" one.
    it kind-of sounds like you are trying to specifically call out that a person is trans,
    in a deragatory way#footnote[
        i know that most people don't mean it that way.
        #linebreak()
        at least not consciously anyway.
        #linebreak()
        yet it does feel this way (at least for me)?
    ].
    like they have the pronouns you've assumed, but because they
    are *trans* you are *forced* to ask them for their *preferred* ones.

    to draw an analogy, you wouldn't ask anyone for their "*preferred* name".
    you would just ask them for their name, it's already assumed that they'll tell you a name
    that they want you to call them#footnote[
        or they can always say something like "my name is xyz, but please call me asteroid destroyer"
    ],
    so "preferred" would be meaningless#footnote[
        there is one case where "preferred pronouns" is meaningful -- when people have
        multiple sets of pronouns (for example it/she/they -- meaning "it/its or she/her or
        they/them"), they might have a preferred set (usually pronouns are listed in order
        of desceding preferrence). however, this is not what people mean when they ask for
        "preferred pronouns".
    ].

    similarly, i think you should just ask people "what are your pronouns?" -- drop "preferred".
    it's shorter, it's easier, it's nicer.

    my pronouns are it/its btw#footnote[at least at the moment? .-.], meow!

    bye :3
]